Dear Ma and Pa,

It’s Day 2 of the #SecondCivilWar. My comrades and I have set up camp in a library. There is absolutely no chance they will find us here.

Love,
Sam#SecondCivilWarLetters

— Sam Bova (@sam_bova) July 4, 2018

My beloved Harriet —

I write to you with a heavy heart. I was gravely memed during a skirmish with a squad of Incel Irregulars. Doc Tibbens says there’s nothing for it — he will have to amputate my Twitter feed.

Womp womp — Jed. #SecondCivilWarLetters

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) July 3, 2018

Sorry. I can’t participate in the #SecondCivilWar tomorrow. I have bone spurs. But I can throw paper towels out of a moving vehicle if anyone needs me.

— JEN KIRKMAN (@JenKirkman) July 3, 2018

Dear Dads,

General DeGrasse Tyson had our battalion dress as climate change, and we easily slipped past the MAGA fortifications. They refused to believe we had arrived until it was too late.

#SecondCivilWarLetters

— Radical Moderate Thug (@paidprovocateur) July 4, 2018

Mother,
The streets of LA are so quiet today, as if the whole city holds its breath. Should we wear shorts with uggs or sundresses with grandpa sweaters? Will there be brunch after? Will the traffic be in our favor?

Pray for us, mama. War is hell. #secondcivilwarletters

— Mariah McCourt (@TiredFairy) July 4, 2018

Darling,

While this war has been tiresome, I don’t expect it to last. Red Hat casualties are mounting. They choose not to treat their wounded brethren, instead they just scream “I’M NOT PAYING FOR YOUR HEALTHCARE” & leave them for dead.

Yours Always, A#secondcivilwarletters

— Keeping Cancer Classy😷 (@KeepCancrClassy) July 4, 2018